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欧宝体育 “‘每月一译’ 翻译之星” 2021年4月点评

  

  

 

【原文】

  

 

[1] 只有在我过度劳累的时候,在我长时间不间断地工作的时候,在我感到内心空虚,需要充实的时候,我才会感到寂寞。

[2] 有时,外出演讲回来,见了许多人,讲了许多话,心中满是纷乱的体验需要整理,偶尔也会觉得孤独。

[3] 其实,古今中外,许多成功人士的经历证明:灵魂在孤独中成长,才能在寂寞中升华。

[4] 一定意义上,说浅薄的热闹、深刻的孤独,不无道理。

[5] 其实,人既需要热闹,更需要孤独。往往是,有丰富的孤独,才会有高质量的热闹。  

 

 

【点评】

 

就题目而言,用词最多的是Loneliness但该词的本义是the unhappiness that is felt by someone because they do not have any friends or do not have anyone to talk to即是消极性的;类似的还有lonelylonesomesinglereclusive等,但此处讲的是一种生活境界,是积极性的,故不妨用solitary其本义为 the state of being alone, especially when you find this pleasant等。

[1]中,过度劳累,一般译成 I am overtiredwhen I am overwhelmingI have a non-stop work for long time等, 但鉴于下文讲的是长时间不间断地工作(worked too long without a breakengaged in uninterrupted work)不妨用overworked故此句不妨译为 I feel lonely, when I am overworked, or engaged in uninterrupted work, or eager to be fulfilled to expel a feeling of emptiness.

[2] 中,“有时,外出演讲回来,见了许多人,讲了许多话,心中满是纷乱的体验需要整理,偶尔也会觉得孤独”,比较典型的译文,如Sometimes, back from the speech on business, I also feel lonely after meeting lots of people, chatting a lot, having complex feelings that I need to sort out Sometimes, after delivering speeches, though so many audiences I have encountered and so many words I have spoken, I feel lonely occasionally with the mixed experience that needs combing And also, I will feel lonely sometimes when I come back from going out for speech, meeting a lot of people and talking a lot, for which I am filled with chaotic experiences in my heart needed to be tidied up Sometimes, I will also feel solitary when back home after speaking out, my heart full of involved experience to organize after making acquaintance with so many people and speaking a lot And I am lonely sometimes when I come back home after a lecture trip, when I have seen a lot of people and talked a lot, and am full to the brim with experience that needs to be sorted out等,意思似乎大致不错,但斟酌起来,有些表述欠妥,如“外出演讲”是the speech on businessdelivering speechesgoing out for speechspeaking out实则为 lectures; 纷乱的体验 mixed experiencemessy thoughtsmixed / complex feelings 倒有可能;而若用after returning home from… 后面可用一系列动名词,使句子更加紧凑。因而,该段不妨译为:Occasionally, I also feel lonely after returning home from my lectures, meeting a lot of people, talking too much, or having tumultuous experiences that need to be settled.                         

[3] 中,“古今中外”可有多种译法,如 at all times and in all over the worldat all times and in all over the worldat all times and in all landsmany careers of all time in the world 等,但考虑到此处是“成功人士的经历”,故不妨结合译成successful careers in all walks of life worldwide“灵魂在孤独中成长,才能在寂寞中升华”,一般译成Soul is taken to the next level after growing in lonelinessOnly a soul grows in loneliness can it get sublimatedwhen the soul grows in solitude, then can it sublimate in loneliness似都可接受。适当变通,不妨译为:In fact, successful careers in all walks of life worldwide have proved that “the soul grows in tranquility and talent is nurtured in solitude”.

[4] 中,浅薄的热闹、深刻的孤独,固然可按字面意思译为 shallow boisterousness, deep loneliness jollification is shallow while loneliness is profoundshallow jollification, deep loneliness但在译文形式上还可再讲究一些。整句似可译为:In a sense, it may be reasonable to say that “Jollity tends to be shallow while solitude involves profoundity”.   

 [5] 中,这里的“人”,一般译成 peoplewewe human beingsindividuals等,似都可以,然亦可理解为一种广义的 man“既需要热闹,更需要孤独”,通常用了not only … but also…, we need not only boisterousness but also solitudepeople need not only excitement, but also lonelinesswe need not only hilarity but also solitude等,然而这种比较还可用 … more than…的形式。对于“往往是,有丰富的孤独,才会有高质量的热闹”,大都译成In most cases, if there is a wealth of loneliness, there will be happiness of high quality / Most often only with rich loneliness can we enjoy being lively of high quality / Only with a lot of solitude beforehand can we truly enjoy the companionship of high quality / On the basis of abundant solitude, jollity will turn out to be of high quality / Often, there is a wealth of loneliness, there will be a high quality of liveliness 等;其实,quality 还可是形容词,如 Build a quality product (创建高质量产品)This is high quality stuff(这是高品质的东西),Teenagers who spend quality time with their parents are more likely to want to further their studies (与父母共度美好时光的青少年更有可能想要继续深造)等。由此,该段不妨译为Man, in fact, needs solitude more than jollity, and only abundant solitude can produce quality jollification.  

 总之,翻译既要字斟句酌,也需灵活变通。

 

 

 

【参考译文】

 

Solitude

 

 [1] I feel lonely, when I am overworked, or engaged in uninterrupted work, or eager to be fulfilled to expel a feeling of emptiness.

 

 [2] Occasionally, I also feel lonely after returning home from my lectures, meeting a lot of people, talking too much, or having tumultuous experiences that need to be settled.

 

[3] In fact, successful careers in all walks of life worldwide have proved that “the soul grows in tranquility and talent is nurtured in solitude”.

 

 [4] In a sense, it may be reasonable to say that “Jollity tends to be shallow while solitude involves profoundity”.    

 

 [5] Man, in fact, needs solitude more than jollity, and only abundant solitude can produce quality jollification.  

 

              

 

 

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